It’s a common problem. You’re training for a show and, suddenly, you feel like your partner is driving you nuts. Has your partner changed…or could it be that you’ve changed? Hmmm!

“No way!” You say. “It’s my partner who’s acting crazy!”

Well, that depends. If your partner is always like that, then fine. But if everything was okay until now, it’s probably you. During show preparation you are not quite yourself, so your partner may just be trying to adjust to the new you!

It’s always easier to blame others when things get tough. Not many of us want to look in the mirror and consider that it might be that person looking back.

I can tell you from experience that when you’re training like a maniac you behave differently than when your life is rolling along as usual. As you become leaner, you’ll feel more tired, less social, and more prone to irritability and anxiety. The degree varies from person to person, based on prior basic temperament, but I have yet to see anyone fly through contest prep happy as a lark.

During this time, small things that previously annoyed you about your partner can become huge irritations. If your relationship was already on shaky ground prior to contest prep, expect it to get worse.

The best relationships for competing athletes are stable ones, where there is mutual admiration, respect and give and take.

Wait a minute…isn’t that the best relationship for anyone? Yes, it is!

It may be hard to think about someone besides yourself right now—after all you need to focus on yourself to be at your best—but remember that your partner is adjusting too. You’re not as fun to be around as you used to be. For example, you’re more tired. You don’t want to do the things you normally would and you’re always training and dieting.

The Top 5 Relationship-Savers When You’re Prepping for a Bodybuilding Show

1. Be Accountable: Take responsibility for your actions.  You will view things differently during contest prep and may be more prone to overreacting.  Acknowledge this to yourself and to your partner. Take space if you need to. Some quiet time can do wonders for your mood and won’t hurt your partner like harsh words or nagging will.
2. Have Empathy: Understand that–assuming you have a solid relationship already–your partner loves you and wants what’s best for you. He or she also misses you. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes–they may feel a little ignored or even threatened. Talk to them about it. They need empathy and attention too.  If you’re always talking about your needs with no regard for their needs then there will be problems.
3. Communicate: During this process, your partner may feel ignored. Have a serious conversation together before embarking on your competitive journey. A contest prep of about 16 weeks is most common so let your partner know how much time and commitment you’ll need to invest. If this is your first time, it will all be new to your partner as well. Also, the first time prepping for a show is often the hardest, because everything is new. You partner may witness a lot of emotional ups and downs. As you continue doing shows you’ll develop coping skills for these challenges and your partner will too.
4. Respect Your Partner: Try to understand that your partner may not be a natural at being your number one fan during contest prep.  Respect their feelings and their need to perhaps make some adjustments of their own so they can cope as well. In a healthy relationship mutual respect is a big part of the success equation.
5. Remind Yourself: Try to remind yourself that, during contest prep, you will likely behave less admirably than you usually do. While some cope better than others, no one is immune to the physical and emotional effects of contest prep. For example, when I’m in training, I’m quieter and more likely to lose my patience with family and friends. I get irritable. When that happens, I just remind myself that I’m not myself right now but I have chosen this path. This places the full responsibility on me. If I’m feeling extra strained, I make room for alone time to regroup because I want to give my best to my family.

So, if you’re having problems in your relationship during contest prep, consider that it might be you and try following the above pointers.

If you’re in a relationship that is not supportive in general, of course you should consider ending the relationship or entering some form of therapy together—but not during contest prep, if possible.

You want your life to be stable and predictable during contest prep. Also, if it’s a long-term relationship that has been good in the past, it will be wiser to wait until you’re well rested and nourished before making any big decisions, just in case it turns out that your training-induced irritability was the real problem!

Yours in health,

Tammy