Appreciate Every Moment!- A post from the heart

Appreciate every moment with those you love!

I am sharing this post with you as I feel all to often we take for granted what is truly beautiful in this world.  The one’s we love.

Don’t worry….you will hear lots about nutrition, fat loss, exercise and life change from me.  I just feel a big part of  “being fit” is also being in tune with our hearts.  This is why I share this difficult post with you.

My world came to a stop when the phone rang on the evening of February 8th, 2011.

My father had suffered a massive hemorrhagic stroke on the left side of his brain.  The largest part of the damage was to his frontal lobe and  the all important pre-frontal cortex.  This is one of the worst places to have a stroke and survive.  This part of the brain makes you who you are.

The cause of the stroke was determined to be amyloid proteins.  A protein that can accumulate in adults over 55 and can break down vessel walls in otherwise healthy individuals.  My father had rarely been sick a day in his life.

Prior to this event my father was a healthy, vibrant and brilliant man.  He loved to work.  He had retired a few years ago but he still remained active as head of his golf club association and with several other business projects.  He travelled with my step mom regularly, he loved to read,  he loved puzzles, he loved to joke and laugh and talk for  hours.  He could always make people smile.

I am now left with a sickness in my stomach that all this is gone.

His body was strong going into this which is why physically …he survived the devastating blow.  He has been left in a bed fighting for his life with tubes everywhere.  He is still my dad by looking at him but the doctors say the parts that made my dad who he is are gone and are unlikely to return.  There is nothing worse than watching someone you love and who made everyone smile go through this.  I am still holding out for what the doctors say could be a miracle.

He looks at us but it is hard to tell if he knows who we are and right now he is scared, agitated and confused.  I have spent the last 9 days by his bed side in Ottawa.  Holding his hand and talking to him about everything. Some times the most ridiculous things.  Other times…I would just sit there and watch him rest.  Flashes of my dad as he was would flicker through my mind.  The last visit, the last phone call, the last email.

His sleep is not a restful either.  In addition to the stroke he is also battling aspiration pneumonia.  His heart rate is erratic and his respirations are quick and shallow.  How could his sleep be restful.  He is fighting for his life.

I have always been very close to my father.    He was there for me through a very tough childhood at the hands of my mother.    He was a real parent and a real mentor.  It is because of my father that I am  who I am today.   That is scary for me to say but it is true.  I went through a lot with my mother as a child.  I was always a parent to her.

I just really do not think I would have turned out the way I had if I had not been guided by him.  All of our late night 3 hour talks while my step mom slept meant so much!

My father is classified stable but critical and he is being moved toward palliative care.

I am having to return home for a bit while the doctors prepare my dad for palliative.  It was so hard to leave as I am almost 6 hours away from him.  I have a family, and work that I cannot stay away from forever.  I know that he would want me to do this for myself and my family.  It could be tomorrow or it could be months before the end arrives but we will be following his wishes if there really is to be no further improvement.

I am just breathing and taking it all one day at a time.  I hope to get back at the end of next week unless something happens sooner.

I wanted to share this with all of you for a reason.  Please enjoy your loved ones and appreciate every moment that they are there with you.  They can be there one minute and gone the next.   Don’t let the craziness of life take you away from that!  Tell them that you love them!!

I am truly grateful that I stayed close to my father.  We talked, we emailed, we visited.   No matter what happens…I will have that time and those memories can never be taken from me.